Speaker 1: (00:03)
Welcome to the wildly confident podcast, where we discuss all the ways to help you get more confident, make more money and get the results you want in your life span. I’m Kathrine Weissner host. I’m a certified life coach for the life coach school and the tricks of my own multi-million dollar business. Hey goddesses. So glad you’re here

Speaker 2: (00:25)
Spending 10 or 15 minutes this week to Uplevel your life. Today’s topic is positive and negative emotions. I’m going to be teaching you how to manage all your emotions in a way that serves you. The first thing I want to share with you that I share with all my clients is that life is 50% positive. Emotions in life is 50% negative emotions, deep breath, right? And I’m sure some of you are going to be like in such resistance to this. And so irritated with me. And the first time I started thinking about this concept, I was like, what? What’s, isn’t the point of life to be happy? Are we supposed to be happy all the time? There was so much confusion going on for me. Uh, and then, you know, as I started really sitting into this and practicing emotional awareness and being in the present moment, I started to realize, but you know, life isn’t actually about being happy all the time.

Speaker 2: (01:31)
That’s one of the things culture, one of the myths culture has sold us that if we were happy all the time, we wouldn’t even know we were happy. The only way that you know, that you’re happy is through the contrast of being sad, right? So the way that we experience all the positive emotions is also by having what I call negative emotions. And I don’t even really like labeling, labeling them positive and negative. But because now that I’ve done a lot of this work, I realized that, you know, emotions, just our emotions are just neutral. They serve as our guides, they serve to give us guidance in the present moment. But when I’m, that’s kind of like step like 10 in this process, when I’m first teaching clients about how to understand their emotions and how to start letting go of the control, they might feel around their emotions, the control to always want to be happy.

Speaker 2: (02:26)
The controlled always want to be in a good mood. The forcing the irritation when you’re not in a good mood, the guilt, the shame when you’re sad, when you’re angry, when you resist your emotions is just to, at first with the idea that half the time you’re going to be feeling emotions that feel really good in the body, be like joy, harmony, peace. And half the time you might be feeling emotions that, um, maybe kind of make you slow down a bit that you maybe don’t like feeling that you have some resistance because of the culture here in the United States, um, such as sadness, anger, grief, anxiety, but that all of those emotions, um, are there to help you. And they do serve you. There’s only one place. Um, it’s kind of like a growth that comes out of the negative emotions that isn’t there to serve you.

Speaker 2: (03:23)
And it’s what I call, um, what’s called buffer. So when you were your negative emotions, when you are like, gosh, I don’t want to feel sad right now. I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to feel anxious. Right? We turn to what’s called offering, which is escaping the emotion. So resisting it and then not feeling it and escaping and it, alcohol watching, TV, emotional eating, getting on Instagram or anything else. That’s taking you out of feeling that emotion because you don’t want to feel it. And all that does is it kind of keeps you actually stuck in the negative feed loop of the emotion. And that’s when actually you end up feeling the scheme of 50 50 gets out of balance. You end up actually feeling more negative emotion because you can’t move a negative emotion through you unless you feel it.

Speaker 2: (04:17)
So if you’re avoiding or resisting feeling negative emotions, and I have a hard time even calling him that, but just the emotions that maybe you don’t want to feel, or this culture kind of has said, [inaudible] not a great emotion. Like, I don’t want you feeling depressed today. I don’t want you to feeling anxious today. You need to be happy. Why aren’t you happy? Right. I’m supposed to be happy. Isn’t life about feeling happy. That’s what I’m talking about. It’s really a cultural contract contrast with the positive and negative. But when you’re feeling, you know that you don’t want to be there, you’re in resistance to it. You’re not letting it flow. You end up buffering and resisting and avoiding. And then you end up that negative emotion just comes right back. Anyway, guys, you can’t run from the stuff you can’t run from your, I wished I wish that it was a possibility, but you can’t, you know, you can’t escape yourself.

Speaker 2: (05:07)
And so the only way through is through and it’s by feeling it practice, I do with clients to help them feel their emotions that they don’t really want to feel. Okay. It’s like the it’s like we end up observing them. So we let them go through our body and we just observe them. So if you’re feeling fat, be curious around your sadness, check in with your body and see how it feels like what does sadness actually feel to you? Does it feel like a heaviness in your chest, right? Does it feel like an aching in your heart? How can you provide and give love and hold that part of you of love and say, you are welcome here. Sadness. You are accepted here. Sadness. What do you have to tell me? Sadness? And that sadness might say back to you, some really important for maybe something going on in your life at night.

Speaker 2: (06:00)
Say, I don’t want to be doing this anymore. I want to be doing something else. I want to be taking care of myself more. I want us to be saying no more or yes, more or whatever it is, right? Gosh, emotions have so much guidance for us when we listen to them and we respect them and love them, they are here to help. And the more you ignore your emotions like this, again, the more they’re just going to crop up over and over and over again. And I think that’s partially why, you know, we can end up kind of moving into certain states where we’re always feeling, not the only reason. There’s genetic reasons, there, environmental reasons. There are tons of reasons why people develop different types of leanings towards feeling certain ways. Like maybe you feel more anxious more often or depressed more often.

Speaker 2: (06:52)
Sometimes people feel more joyful, more often, right? They feel more gratitude more often, right? It’s just because you’re stuck in that mind state more often, your brain gets wired more into that mind state because you’re thinking those thoughts over and over again in that state. And when you are in those negative emotions and you’re not feeling them, then you’re going to be tripping that same wire in your brain over and over again. And it just means that you’re on a trip. It even more, right. It’s just wiring that stuff together and creating almost super highways. So the way to help yourself actually, you know, to process your negative emotions. So you don’t get stuck in buffering. So you don’t get stuck down there with unprocessed emotions is to feel them to be with them, to love them, right. To hold them, to nurture them like a mother or father and nurture their baby, right.

Speaker 2: (07:47)
To listen. It’s like just gives me chills thinking about it. It’s such a beautiful process. It’s a beautiful way to form intimacy with yourself. Self love with yourself. Like, gosh, when sadness shows up, be like, thank you, sadness. Oh, I love you. That’s how I feel about it. Now for me, I’m like, yes, all of the things like, why is this coming up for me? They thank you. There’s something here that I want to be sad about. Right? Sometimes like, you know, we have to remember, remember that, like we’re choosing to be sad. We’re choosing to be angry. It isn’t something that’s just happening to us. There’s something in our body. That’s choosing to do that. And we take ownership for it and love on it and recognize it’s there for a reason.

Speaker 2: (08:32)
I do want to say though, that like what I also, like, I’m not trying to be down on buffering. Like it’s okay to watch TV and have a drink and emotionally eat and all of the things, as long as it’s serving you. So sometimes when we’re on our spiritual journeys and we got a lot of change going on in our life and we might be feeling overwhelmed or we need some grounding rate, we’re going to go back to some comforting things and that could be watching TV or having a drink or, um, eating some cherry pie or something. Right. So I call that intentional self-care because you’re aware that you’re doing it because you’re feeling a little overwhelmed in the moment. Right? And you’re going to feel that overwhelmed. You’re going to be with it. You’re going to love on it. And then you’re going to move into that self care in order to nurture yourself after you’ve sat and been present with the overwhelm and you’ve let it past.

Speaker 2: (09:29)
So that’s how I differentiate the two. There’s nothing wrong with watching some TV and having a drink and all of the things, right? It actually can be a really important part of self care, as long as we’re not doing it to avoid ourselves. Cause you can’t really avoid yourself. You bring yourself wherever you go and it will. These things will just come back up again and you’ll have to eventually process them. So you might as well process them in the present moment and cultivate more self-love for yourself. When we recognize that we’re going to have positive and negative emotions throughout the day, when we’re going to be going up and down, that it doesn’t feel so chaotic to us when it’s happening, we can just accept that it’s flowing and that it’s normal and that we’re supposed to feel this way. And this is part of what makes life so grand.

Speaker 2: (10:14)
It is the contrast that gives us all and the guidance that our emotions provide that honestly make this life worth living. Everything you want in life is because how you think it’s going to make you feel. We do everything for a feeling because we want to feel love because we want to feel peace because we want to feel joy. Right? And the flip side is when we have, when we love a lot, right? When we love anything, a lot, the nature of our real reality is that we will have loss. Anytime we get attached to anything in a way that we, we just love it so much, right? Because everything in this 3d world that we live in is going to eventually disintegrate and pass away. Right? Um, there’s built into love loss and sadness. And it’s beautiful. Really, when you think about it, there are two sides of the, of the same coin, every emotion, every positive emotion has the flip side of it, the negative emotion, right?

Speaker 2: (11:15)
And you, you use those almost play with that, that feeling back and forth and to serve you right. To have love is to also know loss. And in order to truly love you. So have to go through the process of truly grieving. And you can, are you going to choose not to love because you have to feel grief. No, of course you’re not. Of course you’re going to feel love, right? We welcome all emotions in it. In all emotions are passing. None of them are permanent. And the more you sit with them in the present moment, you appreciate and love them and enjoy them for whatever they are, the sooner they pass. And the sooner you’re onto emotion this moment, okay, I’m going to leave you with another little poem. I’ve kind of gotten into this. I don’t know how long I’m going to do it, but there’s so many poems on the last few podcasts that I just feel, feel like are so resonant.

Speaker 2: (12:04)
So this is the poem by Rumi and it’s called the guest house. And it speaks to just what I’ve been talking about. You know, by thinking about your emotions is kind of being 50 50, then you’re kind of welcoming it and you’re letting go of any expectations. You have to feel happy all the time. And you recognize in order to feel love, you have to feel grief and sadness, right? We have to have the contrast. All emotions have contrast. And so we welcome an en and then we love and care for them. So here’s the poem. This being human is a guest house every morning, a new arrival, a joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor, welcome and entertain them all. Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably.

Speaker 2: (13:04)
He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door, laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond have a great week. And if you’re needing help with connecting you with your emotions, with balancing your emotions, book a free 30 minute consult call with me, it’s no strings attached. It’s just fun. We’re just going to help you get a few little tidbits that are going to make your life so much more easier. So talk to you next week.

Speaker 1: (13:51)
Thank you for joining. I hope you come back next week. Join my mailing list to get notified of my podcast. Follow me on Instagram @katweissner and check out my website about tons of free stuff on their head. www.klwcoaching.com.