Speaker 1: (00:02)
Welcome to the Wildly Confident Podcast, where we discuss all the ways to help you get more confident, make more money and get the results you want in your life. Stat. I’m Kathrine Weissner, your posts. I’m a certified life coach through a life coach school and the create tricks of my own multimillion dollar business.

Speaker 2: (00:24)
I’m so glad you’re here today. We are going to be learning one of my favorite tools, possibly the most empowering tool that I’ve ever learned in my life, which is how to separate circumstances from your thoughts. Okay. How to separate circumstances from your story, your thoughts, your drama. Okay. So you can, uh, gain some control over your life. The first thing I’m going to teach you here is exactly what a circumstances. Okay. A circumstance is. Um, a fact, um, another way I like to, to talk about circumstances, um, is that it’s just math, right? Um, circumstances don’t hurt. They really have no meaning until we attach meaning to them. They’re neutral and objective. Okay. That’s a circumstance. I’m going to be giving you some examples in a few moments to help you better understand this. Okay. Versus, um, thoughts, story, your drama, your beliefs. Okay.

Speaker 2: (01:37)
Your thoughts are optional sentences about circumstances. Okay. They’re the they’re subjective and they’re personal. We know this is true because you can have a circumstance. Okay. Let’s say this circumstance is a new movie called dragons rule just came out this Friday at the movie theater. That is the circumstance. Okay. You could show that to a hundred people and a hundred people would agree. Yes. I can see that as the name of the movie. And yes, I can see that it was, um, it came out this Friday, like that was the official release date, but people’s thoughts about that are going to be different. Okay. So you have the circumstance, you have the external situation that happened. And then we have the internal reaction to that external thing, right? Someone might be thinking dragons don’t rule. Why would someone make a movie about that? Someone else might be thinking, I love dragons.

Speaker 2: (02:49)
Oh my gosh. Like I can’t wait to go see that another person might be thinking movies are dead after COVID the movies. No one’s ever gonna go to the movies again. They should be releasing that at home. Why they relation on a theater? So you can already see, like, there’s going to be probably about a hundred different opinions for all those same a hundred people that all could agree on the circumstance. So this is where all your power can come from. If you start to realize that, that you have power and control over your own thoughts and beliefs. Okay. About a circumstance, just because a circumstance happened doesn’t mean you have to think any certain which way about it. You actually have a choice about what you want to think about it. And you get to decide what sort of things you want to think.

Speaker 2: (03:46)
And that feels really empowering because thoughts create all of our results. Okay? What we think creates the things on our life, what we think creates all, all, all of our actions and our results. And I’ll, I’ll just go do a brief overview of this, but what we think about a circumstance, okay, creates a certain emotion in our body, a certain feeling in our body and that emotion or feeling is the fuel. That’s going to drive us into action and drive us into our result in our life. So your thoughts are so, so, so powerful. And when people have limiting beliefs or scarcity, thoughts, those thoughts are going to be stopping them from being able to get the results that they want in their life. And this is where we get to start having some fun with us. Once you realize that the way that you see the world, right?

Speaker 2: (04:49)
When I say the way you see the world, it’s the way that you react to a circumstance, the way you react to the world, the way you react to the external things happening outside of you internally, once people start to see that that is a choice and that they can change that, oh my gosh, right? The world’s your oyster. You have so much power over your reality, but you have to be willing to take that responsibility on and know that there isn’t a quick fix to changing some of those beliefs that might be really strong in you. Okay. This does take work to do. Um, and you absolutely can change your beliefs. Okay? You can change your limiting thoughts if you want to, but it just takes time. The thing is, is that about 95% of our thoughts, our beliefs are just unconscious patterns that are running in the background.

Speaker 2: (05:47)
Okay? And they usually come from things that we witnessed or learned before the age of sex. This is why limiting beliefs, um, often and scarcity often gets passed on, you know, from generation to generation, in a family because the people you’re around most of the time, under the age of six are your family. And that’s where you’re going to be taking in most of your understanding about how to interpret the external world. And a lot of this love things you’re taking in are super helpful, right? It’s important to know how to communicate and talk. Right? We learn words. We learn how to put on our own clothes, how to eat food. How do you silverware? I mean, there’s so many amazing things that our human brain observed and just took in from that time. And we are so grateful, right? We can be so grateful for that.

Speaker 2: (06:35)
And then we can also say that, like we also maybe learn some of our parents like unconscious behaviors around relationships. Maybe, maybe we don’t think some of that. Stuff’s very healthy. And we keep repeating the same patterns in our life. Um, or even around how we eat food. It could be that you grew up eating a lot of unhealthy food and your family. And I using like emotional eating to feel better. Right? You get candy if you’re hurt, right? No wonder as an adult, when you feel emotionally hurt or physically hurt, you want sweets and treats. Right. Um, and it came from a place of love. You know, most of the time from our family, these kind of these things that we can now maybe see like, Hey, that’s not very helpful for me to believe, you know, candy doesn’t actually make me feel better.

Speaker 2: (07:21)
It’s just when I was hurt, when I was younger, my family would give me candy. And now I’m using candy as a way to make me feel better when I’m emotionally hurt by. I can see that. That’s just a thought that I learned. And I can also say another, I can also change this thought, right? That when I’m emotionally hurt, I can use something else to make me feel better. I can start to train myself. And that might be doing nice things for myself. It might be taking a bubble bath. It might be going for a walk. It might be calling a friend, right? And I don’t have to just eat candy automatically, or just eat a bunch of food. When I feel bad in order to feel better. That’s not a fact that eating candy and food is going to make you feel better.

Speaker 2: (08:07)
We know that because you know, most people like a lot of people don’t do that to feel better. We know that you can feel better by doing just kind things for yourself. So the practice this week is for you, um, to notice when you have something like a negative emotion in your life happening for you to take a step back. And, um, even I’m honestly just writing this out is really a good way of doing it because it gives you a little bit of distance. I think one of the reasons it’s so hard for us to be aware that our thoughts are not facts. They’re not just the way the world is, is because we’re so close to them right there, like right here. And we don’t give ourselves enough space to see like enough of a viewpoint of Vista to see that that is not the way it is that often our thoughts are what is creating or creating limiting beliefs and what are stopping us from getting the results we want in our life.

Speaker 2: (09:08)
So we do this by becoming aware that a circumstance, right, this thing happening externally to you, um, you can choose, I used to have a different thought about it. And if you choose to have a different thought, it could generate a different emotion. That’s going to fuel you into getting a different result in your life. Maybe even the result that you want. So let me give you an example here of a client of mine. Who’s on a dating app and I’ve also heard this from friends too. So this one, like, I think text messages are just ripe. They are just so ripe. Low-hanging fruit to teach us about circumstances versus thoughts. So this person they’re the result they want is they want to be in a long-term relationship with someone they trust and love. Okay. So here’s the story. He said he was going to text her over the weekend.

Speaker 2: (10:03)
Okay. This is on Friday. He does not text her until Sunday night. And the text says, how are you? Okay. This client’s response to that text. Okay. Her thought was, I can’t believe he didn’t text me till Sunday night. Her feeling was rejected. Okay. She felt very rejected. And so her, the result, the action that she was then taking was she decided not to text him back right away. Okay. So her result was she ended up disconnecting herself from him, even though the result she wants is a relationship, right. She wants to be in a relationship yet. She’s taking actions that are going to make her feel. I’m going to take her away from that relationship going to disconnect her. She’s feeling rejected because of her thoughts. It isn’t a truth. It is not a truth at all. That there’s any like that. There’s something wrong because he didn’t text her until Sunday night.

Speaker 2: (11:08)
Okay. He said he was going to text her over the weekend and he did the text message was just, how are you? The words were, how are you? Right. All that stuff is just neutral. You get to choose what thoughts you want to have about that she could have, instead of choosing to think that it was something negative about her, that he didn’t text her on Sunday night, she could have thought so nice, but he texted, I’m doing great. How are you? Right. She could have had that thought. And that thought would have made her feel loved or connected. Right? And so the actions that she would have taken from there would have been to further deepen the connection. It would have helped her at least be on the path to get the result of the relationship that she wants. But when you have the thought that, you know, it’s putting into an emotion of rejection, you have a thought that what they did was wrong or bad.

Speaker 2: (12:02)
And then you’re, you’re feeling rejected because of it or angry rate. That’s just going to cause a bigger rift between the two of you, which is taking you away from getting the connection and relationship you want. So we have to be really careful about what we’re thinking and intentional about it. We want to have the thoughts that are going to create the result we want in our life. It might not be this guy’s the guy for her. Right. But it feels a whole lot better. Right? Having a connection with somebody, right. At least going a little bit further and seeing this life, this guy might be the guy, instead of just like rejecting him, you know, withholding from him, you know, cutting herself off from the feeling of connectedness, just because he didn’t text until Sunday night. Right. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that.

Speaker 2: (12:49)
That’s just a circumstance. So I just want to provide this example for you guys. So you can see with text messages that happens all the time, because they’re just words. Um, we project all the time, like our insecurities, our fears like this client, um, basically like grew up in a household where her parents weren’t very respectful of each other and did a lot of a passive aggressive stuff. And there was a lot of rejection going on. So her kind of worldview is like, oh my gosh. Like if people, you know, don’t do things immediately, like they’re rejecting me like this, isn’t going to work like kind of like a pessimistic viewpoint instead of just being like, Hey, this guy. So he texted over the weekend. He did. And what he texted was just words. How are you, how do I want to respond to that?

Speaker 2: (13:37)
How do I want to feel? Well, I want to feel connected in my romantic relationships. Right? I want to have that connection. So what do I need to think to have that connection? That’s where you start to change some of your belief patterns, okay. That you might have, um, you know, absorbed from your environment growing up. Okay. That’s it for this week’s podcast. Just remember your circumstance and your thought are two different things. Uh, circumstances, neutral. It’s an external thing that happened that you could record down like a scientist. Okay. Your thoughts or your reaction to it. And as an adult, okay. As an adult, who’s conscious, you can change your reaction. You have a choice about your thoughts. If you become aware of them and you have a desire to change them, because guys, thoughts become things, thoughts create your reality. Thoughts, create your results. So if you want a different result in your life, you have to start focusing on your thoughts. Thanks for listening. I’ll talk to you guys next week. Bye.

Speaker 3: (14:49)
Thank you for joining. I hope you come back next week. Join my mailing list to get notified of my podcasts. Follow me on Instagram at, @katweissner and check out my website at www.klwcoaching.com