Welcome to the wildly confident Podcast, where we discuss all the ways to help you get more confident, make more money and get the results you want in your life stat. I’m Kathrine Weissner, your host, I’m a certified life coach to the Life Coach School, and the crate tricks of my own multimillion dollar business.

Kathrine Weissner  0:24  
Hey, peeps, welcome to the first podcast. Super excited, you’re here. As you heard my intro, I’m a certified life coach. But something you might not know about me is I am a master weed puller. And by weeds, I mean those little limiting beliefs you have in your life that are stopping and blocking you from getting the results you want. So every week we meet here, and in under 10 minutes, we do some radical practices that are going to help you remove those weeds or limiting beliefs. So you can have a clear path to get the results and things you want in your life. Today’s topic is on listening. Now listening is a really big topic. And it actually came to me when I was doing a meditation. And I heard that my podcast should be on listening this week. And when I honed in a little more, it has to do with a concept that I call radical listening. Now these little practices I’m going to be teaching you every week aren’t necessarily going to be the most obvious things you think of to fix some of your limiting beliefs. And that’s why they work, they actually work at removing the limiting beliefs without you even really noticing. It’s a really, really cool way of shifting your mindset. So you can be more expansive to get some of the bigger results and goals done in your life. So before I go on to the practice, I just want to share with you a few of the weeds that this practice helps root up. And the first weed that you might be able to identify that you have is what I call the codependency or the fixer weed. And you may or may not identify this, we just as soon as I say it, some people are like, Oh, yeah, I totally have a codependent thing. But what I want to say is, you will definitely be able to determine if you have this by doing this radical listening practice. So make sure you keep listening and find out what the practice is and actually do it. But if you have this weed, you are going to have a hard time not responding to someone with trying to fix or help them if they’re sharing something upsetting to them. And this is just the way that many people are trained when they’re young is to meet other people’s needs, and then other people meet our needs. We are not taught very often how to meet our own needs. And because we believe that we’re supposed to meet other people’s needs, we are we end up putting their needs before us ours. And so we have a lot invested in meeting other people’s needs to the extent that they are fixed or happy because then we don’t have any other work to do or any other fixing to do. And we can then think about ourselves in a positive light. This weed really is one of the first ones to spring up. And it’s just because so much of the love we have are given is very conditional. So we’re basically told from a young age, if you want to be loved, if you want to be worthy, if you want to be good enough, then you need to follow all of these rules. And we start looking, you know, we end up looking to those rules and deciding Oh, we need to take care of other people to be loved. We need to make other people be happy to be loved. And this is just so far from the actual truth. We don’t have to do anything to be lovable or to be loved. It’s just a choice you get to make about yourself more on that on future podcasts. But another one of the weeds that this works on is the people pleasing weed, which we all have from time to time. And again, this is very similar to the codependency or fixer weed because both are centered around trying to control the conversation with the fixer weed or trying to control the situation or the conversation by trying to fix the other person’s negative emotion so we can feel safe and okay. But with people pleasing, we end up just really controlling ourselves to the extent that we reduce our integrity, we reduce our authenticity. So we’re showing up in a way that we think is going to make the other person happy. The big joke is like we never know really what the other person’s thinking. And we don’t even know if they’re happy with the way we’re showing up. But the one thing we do know for sure is that we’re making ourselves unhappy by diminishing who we are by not being honest and truthful for about how we feel. And this just ends up with you losing your trust with yourself over time. You see, the way that you build trust with yourself is by staying in integrity with yourself. It’s by being honest, over and over and over again with who you are and how you feel no matter what. And when you always have your own back that way, then you have this foundational trust with yourself. That is an extremely radical practice. And the last week that I know that this really helps with is what I call the me, me me weed, which is a weed that can bring a lot of misery. It’s one where we’re really, really just like in our own story all the time. And we’re constantly in our own heads thinking about ourselves thinking that what other people are thinking about us and there brings it brings so much self judgment and an obsession to control. So that also leads to the people pleasing weed and the fixer codependency weed. So this is what the me, me, me weed looks like. But you’ll be let’s say, you’re sharing something maybe profound or traumatic, and the other person you’re talking to, instead of really like sitting with you and acknowledging what happened, and holding the space will immediately jump into sharing something more traumatic or more profound in their opinion that happened to them. And when you have this, me, me, me weed, you have a way of turning whatever is happening, whatever conversation is happening into a place for you to share something about yourself, that of just being able to hold the space and listen to somebody else, you think you’re being helpful. But if you’ve ever had this done to you, you know, it actually doesn’t feel that good. And why do people do this, they do it because they’re just in response mode. They’re not deeply listening, they’re not deeply holding the space. And they just respond really, without thinking. And what I want to offer about this Me, me me weed is, and what radical listening can do for you is, it will get you out of your own story, your own limiting story, by deeply listening to somebody else. And the practice I’m going to share with you, you will start to have amazing connections with people. And you will start to understand so much more about the world around you, outside of your own storyline that’s keeping you stuck. The more you practice radical listening, the less that you’re going to be sharing your personal stories like this in the middle of someone else’s share, and the less desire, you’re going to have to want to control the other person in any way. So you can feel a certain way. And that’s amazing boundaries, my friend. So one of the fringe benefits of this practice is learning how to have amazing boundaries with other people. So you can take good care of yourself. And so that person can have the opportunity to take good care of themselves as well. Because after all, they are 100%. Whole, perfect, perfect and complete just the way they are. And you don’t need to fix them. There’s nothing about them that needs to be fixed or controlled in order for either of you to be okay, so without further ado, I’m going to teach you the practice that I call radical listening. I like to do this in pairs with people. So and I always go over the rules or the guidelines with the other person when we first start doing it. So the way that it works is in the pair, one person is going to be talking and one person is going to be listening for a set amount of time, I like to set 10 minutes for people beginning this practice. But you can always expand it to 15 or 20 or 30 minutes after that if you’re feeling comfortable with it. And what happens during that time is you set the timer and one person just gets to talk about whatever they want to talk about. And the other person is just listening. When I say listening, you will be fully present with your body and your mind. And just like meditation, every time that your mind wanders off, you bring it back to the speaker, and your only job is just to listen to them. It’s not to judge it’s not to fix, it’s not to please It’s not to get in your own head and talk about some sad story that happened to you in your head. And the timer goes off, you just thank the other person for sharing with you. One tip I want to give you about the timing is that each person complete the full 10 minutes. Even if after two or three minutes, they’re like I’m complete, then you just sit there in silence for the rest of the time, people always end up talking more. And usually it’s some of the really good stuff, the juicy stuff that comes after they say their complaint and they realize actually there’s a whole bunch more that wants to come out. So just complete the time and if someone doesn’t want to keep talking, you just sit in silence and wait till the timer goes off. And there’s something super magical on the talking side as well. So when you get the opportunity to do the 10 minutes of talking yourself, you are going to realize how powerful this practice is on both sides of the table because you are going to be able to start releasing things maybe that you haven’t been able to in the past just by doing this. There’s something about this space of really being listened to non judgmentally without anyone trying to fix you


That allows you to be able to just work through whatever is going on. I know it sounds really simple, but this practice is going to show you sort of limiting beliefs you have around how you’re supposed to show up with other people, especially around codependency fixing people pleasing and just being in a me me me kind of very limited viewpoint. And it’s also going to give you an opportunity to clear some stories that maybe you’ve been carrying around with you for a while and allow you to help start releasing them. Something I want to say is that you are 100% whole perfect and complete just the way you are. And when I talk about weeds, those are just limiting beliefs that might be stopping you from getting a specific result in your life. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you don’t have to be fixed in any way to be absolutely lovable. Just the way you are. We just do this work to expand ourselves and to see what we can get in our lives to be examples of what’s possible, not because we are broken.

Kathrine Weissner  11:11  
Thank you for joining. I hope you come back next week. Join my mailing list to get notified of my podcasts. Follow me on Instagram at  @KatWeisner and check out my website. I’ve got tons of free stuff on there, at www.klwcoaching.com